I'm overweight, but I'm not running to get skinny

When my father-in-law saw me get back from my first run, he said (meaning well), "if you keep on walking for 15 minutes everyday, your weight will just come off."

And he says the same thing every time he sees me get back from a run — "Keep up the good work! You will lose weight if you..."

So, two things:

1. He doesn't know about my marathon goal
2. I'm not running to lose weight

In his defense, I'm obese. I'm at my heaviest ever. And I've been struggling with my weight for 20 years now. So it makes sense that he thinks I'm laboring to lose weight.

I've done all manners of dieting and exercising. Some worked, but only for a short time. Nothing was sustainable. Some were questionable. Everything was pain. Everything was judgment and negative self-talk.

When the idea of running the marathon entered my head, it had nothing to do with losing weight. At all.

Running and finishing the NYC Marathon is a way for me to have a goal outside of keeping my Faith, educating my children, taking care of my husband, making money, or keeping the house clean.

This is something just for me.

It's also a way for me to reclaim what I've "lost." The energy, the physicality. I used to have it. I used to be nimble and comfortable with my body. And I want that back. Nothing to do with weight and more on health—though obviously my weight gain and sedentary lifestyle are the major reasons why I don't feel myself.

Not to mention that finishing a marathon means I've done something that required sustained discipline and dedication. A goal that's all mine. Something that no one can do for me. I can't buy it. I can't fake it.

I'm also competing against myself. No one else.

My whole life I've been compared to other people (and unfortunately I picked up the bad habit so I do it to myself now too), but this time, it's all me.

I'll continue on my journey. The focus is learning good form, creating a habit, and building my base. Maybe even speed at some point.

As for my weight, sure I want to lose weight. But funny enough, I want to shed the points so I can run better.

I never thought I'd ever have a mindset like that.

For now, I'm just enjoying the run.